Getting Fat, me.

Hi Little Diary,

How are you? (Heheheh!)

Well Diary, I just want to share with you that I think over time, I'm gaining weight! Or the rude way of saying it is I'm getting fat! I put myself to tests every now and then and obviously the fact is indeed true. For examples, when I sit on the toilet bowl, I couldn't see any white line beside both my feet. That's first. Secondly, when I wear skinny jeans, the above of my knees both have this extra baggage which when I pinched it, it has almost about a grasp, wo! Luckily, it still fits me. Haha! And whenever I sit and drive, I could see as if err a big snake on the chair. lol! I'm not that happy for this but I could say my life has been happier since I allowed myself to eat a lot. At least, I don't have to visit Klang Hospital that often for broken stomach. *wink wink*

Just really hope I can make my heart becoming really really fat too. So that, it'll be numb, dumb, and a bum!

I need to make myself busy. I'm going to take that job.

Rest to sleep now, D.

The Illiterate Me

Diary.
This is just a teaser for my upcoming literature project. An image of a very scratch idea.

She has a full smile; a nice built-in nose; shiny skins with little pimples; an invisible two-row of eyebrows - nicer if she applies a fair amount of black eyebrow colour; her eyes are restless, extended but shining with a lustre exuding smooth and pleasant radiance where her inner beauty lies in; at both edges of her mouth there lies sweet dimples one has to really observe its visibility; her hair is a little wavy at the back but mostly straight at the front, giving this softness look on it; she's quite sexy but I must say it is the appropriate sexiness that she displays - nothing is more or less. She loves kids. May as well one day be a great mom.

She is beloved by many. This is to say - family, friends, boys, girls - for her amazing joyousness she portrays in herself. The well-being of her upbringing emerged by way of directing herself towards fun, beautiful, nice things in life. As if she ignores and avoids the ugliness of this world and only takes up all the good, mostly sweet things into the palm of her hands.

Hm, well... That's enough. Think I should create a monstrous character to fight with the angel but, how come the sequence of a story has to be always like that? So sick of it! Will brainstorm that later.

For the time being, that above description really clouds my mind. Sometimes, it makes me think that life is beautiful.

Random Note

Diary...

*Sigh, sigh, sigh and more sighs!
I couldn't find a clue why still this brain wanted some kind of connection with her? Am I going mad? Hearken!

Don't wish to be eaten by such a dreary thought. It is scary. Fear me, yes. Still if she's not a ghost, why would she haunt my self-being? Do I want to befriend with her? I think, er, yes I do want it! Honestly, she's simply amazing. Why? Creativity is there. But at once, I should stop looking out for her. She's got a life, dude. She didn't bother you and yeah, why should I be bothered then, eh?

Anyways! Tomorrow (May 27th) is the convocation that I should supposedly be joining but well, but.. well, but.. well, I couldn't so I suppose I just have to attend my boyfriend's and taking Syida's advice into account to 'buat hati kering' will be surely done.

God, help me.

A Crying Heart

Dear Diary,

Have you ever wonder how heart could cry? It has no eyes. It cannot shed any tear. But yet, yes, I believe the heart could cry. It can cry for a very long time and we are not able to wipe the heavily tears. That is why I would prefer eyes to cry. At least, I can clean it after it comes out and then smiles.

"The sorrow which has no vent in tears may make other organs weep." ~Henry Maudsley

It is true - the above saying. I am put to think of why tears do not want to come out although my heart is as heavy as the black raining cloud? I would be back to normal after crying out. It's the relief which I am searching for. So, so difficult to find now. *Sigh*

I wish I could be the normal me who can easily cry when I am sad...




"The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea." ~Isak Dinesen

I need this cure!

The crying heart picture is credited to http://www.flickr.com/photos/15195261@N07/3999305215/.

Be Puzzled

Diary,

Sometimes I am puzzled with love. How could love be so strong at one time and the next time around, love becomes so weak when things happen. Then, wouldn't it be hard to install things back as usual? Things that happen are such as betrayal, uncommon interests, etc.

Difficult and painful are the words to explain how hard it is to accept even any reasonable explanations towards bad things that happened on our way. Thus, what's left is how to deal it best, how to cope with our own unstable emotions. Fooling our mind insanely.

I seriously don't want to encounter such hard feelings with the man I love. Because to me, I don't need any other man than him. For my stupid attitudes that may make him sick of me, no one can better this. I'm still holding on. Towards any betterment of that. Although I know I'm not stupid as stupid does. I shall change this into a reality.

I love you.

Shoot Me Kill Me

Oh how am I going to burst this out? I think I am left with a bundle of ignorance by the others who play such those important roles to my self-function. Without those being unplaced, the abundance damned me.

Frankly saying, I'm now not in the eagerness of achieving my dreams. Or at least, a short term goal. As if I'm dragged hardly towards even thinking to be blossomed with good spirits. So tired facing people's conducts that are various. In the rightful way or the other way around. I'm so tired.

These sufferings without something to make me move are unbearable anymore. I can feel my heart is hanging at the edge of its stalk waiting to fall down at the base of my tummy. In short, I feel like it's screaming out loud due to the painful bearings. Cut my hand bleed, I think I won't feel any pain.

On this moment of being really low, seriously I need myself shut down. Or be shot.

Thought It Was Harder!

Hi Diary,

Since my mom went to Bali with Nida & Mimim, I was assigned to take care of the house, then. At the beginning, I was a bit reluctant to do so, because I thought that taking care of the cats, a paralyzed auntie, and cooking (sometimes) would be very much bothering. However, after 2 days doing it, it was not that bad as I earlier thought, hehe! Unexpectedly, I kind of enjoyed doing it, so far. Yes, Pichi my little brother is with me but unfortunately he has not been a helping hand. Yeah, normal boys' behavior, I guess. They just do the thing when they are forced to. In this case, I really have to be a fierce big sister to him. Therefore, I used the scolding method. lol! That would do fairly enough to a boy who only gives a damn to playing GTA and conquering the TV alone, all day long.

Plus, the thing that made me 'going on' & enjoying life at the moment is - the birth of Momi's kitten, of course! The kitten kind of, shone me 'the light' to my darkest nightmare, hehe! :p Thanks Snowy Kitty, I love ya!

Little kitty that has got no name yet.

So! Wish I could hold on longer until Wednesday!
Good girl to myself, haha.. :D