Haunted Me

I just had sat the first paper yesterday & I didn't know whether I did OK or what. But I answered those longer - I mean, longer.

While revising last night, how I wanted to log in here so much & WRITE! Ideas were pouring like the rain. But now..

O diary.

Think now I'm really at my lowest self-confidence. I never expect pictures can really be that HAUNTED.

Indeed I'm scared!

Unhappy Morning

It's stomachache, laziness, feeling dreadful, jealousy and why is there annoyance everywhere, today?

I woke up just now at 3 having determined to finish an essay - 5 long pages in length - but rather I ended up on YouTube. Treating myself with the goodness of live music - broadcast myself, na? I like it.

Despite that, I still have the strong will to finish the essay before its due this noon. Really at the eleventh hour of job, eh? Hope you don't mind. Who would?

Oow! The stomachache's coming again!

Killing Assignment!

Diary, I'm in the middle of doing this assignment - annotated bibliography. I was asked to find at least 5 sources for the topic "Social Effects of Globalization".

And then, each of the sources (journal articles, newspaper article, internet articles & so forth) I should recite it and yeah, OK with that.

After that, I've to write the annotations from which I've to scan those endless research papers for about 100-150 words long. In short, I've to summarize, paraphrase, do the main points identification & discuss its strengths and weaknesses.

I'm OK with the above instruction!

BUT, what I'm NOT OKAY is;

I've searched days ago the respective journals only to have found just now that those AREN'T the journals but rather the REVIEWS. No wonder mine were all so short like in two pages only! And yet I've started to feel happy about not having to spend extra dime on printing out those lengthy research reports! How sucks!

Now, right now!, where the submission is due tomorrow, I've only found the REAL journals that may contain as many as 80+ pages where money is concerned!

And how sucks is that to be annoyed while doing something I like with slight confusion of thinking beforehand.

And, sleepy is me for the moment. Too bad!

It kills my purse. And me.

A Weepy Weepo

Hi Diary,
I never cried at night while sleeping soundly. How pathetic it is to suddenly wake up & cry, isn't it? But last night - I had that moment.

Sadness crept in when the thoughts have had something bad being lingered about before sleeping. So, that's why I guess, just a sudden surge of waking up half consciously has made me weeping when the brain was full of fool junkies that shouldn't supposedly be thought of.

Weird, though. Is this some kind of psychology problem?
And thus, am I mad? How then am I mad? Hearken!

Overprotected!

Mostly, it is the sighs tonight.

I am tired of the same routine. Of the same laziness. Of the same study place. Or perhaps, of the same - boyfriend? Whatever I stated hereby admittedly I said it under over-generality of the concerned matters.

Well, the tenderness of love is still there, no biggies. The overprotection is a load bundle I feel careworn somehow, for that. I'm so drown into what I called 'this massive carer'. Helps are welcome foremost when people give that away. It can be assumed as free-goodies in the mall when you go shopping. Who would refuse it, right?

But - yeah, certain people are ungrateful for all the things they get for free. It tends to be more to happiness rather than being grateful. I am of no exception.

To treat me like the rest? I have no objection towards that. But one thing I wonder, can I (who has been spoiled) go through these alone without 'the carer'? Think I could, then I would. Vice versa, na?

The redundancy, dear, that I could not bother in full. You're overprotective. That leads to being busybody. I am jaded and suffocated for all these unwanted attention. Yeah, this sounds ungrateful. Seriously, sometimes I need myself. My space. My time.

I need a car, actually. So, I can commute to anywhere without bothering other people. I swear - bothering other people in return would go back to bothering yourself, actually. And, bothering yourself is like hijacking what supposed to be your personal inside. And an outcome of it, you are messed!

I need a car to solve all these tiny little problems. Seriously.

Hungry & Sleepy

It's so quick for me to get sleepy these days.
It's so quick for me to get hungry these days.
And I dislike it.
Because, why?
Because I wish I could have spent more time studying.
Because I want to avoid gaining more weight that fast.

Those contribute into me becoming LAZIER.
The Final Exams are just around the corner.

Sucks!

Random Thought

Sometimes, in being a human, you really don't know what is happening to you although you do realize what you do might hurt certain other people. All you care is that you really enjoy every lively moment of it and that you're happy - that matters. On the contrary, the feeling of probability you might hurt others is accepted not being as great as you do feel guilty at par. The enjoyment is felt but at the same time, it's not full.

Although it is something unsure, most of the happiness - it's like 'worth it'!

This is probably a hanging entry but those who understand, understood. I hate letting time passed me by freely, but that's what I'm doing, right now.

Am I An Adult?

"The more adult you'd become, the more interesting its attraction would be." -Anonymous

Yes. As though the kiddy world is no more your playground. I always assumed I'd always be a kid at heart, Diary. But, it's kind of taking off from this base. The enjoyment of metamorphosing yourself into a real adult with no more gawky actions, is really into me at the moment. What has sparked that off me, surely something that couldn't be shared here interpretatively. Anyhow, believe me - this is not something eeuw, okay? People are injected with negative films of thinking when the other started to discuss something about this, oh why.

Also not forgetting, the complexity of it. Ehe!

That's it. I'm an adult.
In case I've forgotten, do remind me. Hehe!