Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Pity All Of Us.

Two things that have been clouding my mind tonight are;

(a) That the entertainment world really sucks.

(b) God, I really pity Ariel Peterpan, Luna Maya and Cut Tari. I mean, yeah, they are definitely wrong but people please don't condemn much simply because they have their own part of penalization just between them and The One And Only. Why don't we just pray to avoid that from happening to any of us. Also pray that they will repent. Better, isn't it?

Accepting it as a mere gossip at first, how I wish this news wasn't true. It is so shameful it has happened and the impact is too big in various perspectives. I am ashamed by the spreading of the videos. We, humans, are really just actors and actresses of the world stage, aren't we? But we have control. Use it correctly.

I got to sleep.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010



Indeed I am tired. Let me rest well.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Guilt That Comes Together

Dear D,

Right after coming back from Uptown Shah Alam for dinner, Mimim urged me to drive her to the place where she saw a little white kitten before we headed dining earlier. Reaching there, indeed the same kitten still remained at the same spot as if it hadn't moved at all since then. Mimim asked me whether she could pick it up back home. Well, that is where guilt came into myself as I was counting of its pros and cons of bringing that little poor thing home.

Well D, it's either bringing it home or not bringing it home, I do think in both ways it comes with the good & the bad. So, if it is chosen to bring it home, I believe sooner or later, she would abandon it because Mimim stays in the hostel - where having pets is absolutely not allowed. Later, she'd leave it under my care. Which; I refused to because I live in with my other flatmates thus certain guidelines should be given a damn on. Moreover, I already have 2 cats whom my bf takes care of them on my behalf.

Whereas not to bring it home, invites uneasiness towards Mimim and also a bit part of me because leaving it out there surrounded by the cold night - just imagine! - at night, if the blankets of ours aren't covering our feet, we'd be trembling in cold. What more of a kitten! But then, to decide taking part of which is one is rather hard. Guilt comes when we are to be or not to be.

Since Mimim couldn't control her emotion, weeping while I gave her a reasonable explanation, so my suggestion was that to feed the kitten there while we both could and at least, tonight its stomach was saved. Tomorrow, we'll look out for it again to feed it.

Out of that decision of mine, I do believe that kitten has its mommy which is called 'Kiah' by guards of my residence and because Kiah is a white adult cat so no doubt that kitten is hers. And, to be growing that a little big of a kitten, it must be breastfed by Kiah or else by now, it might be dying or were really thin and small.

The thing is, any stray cats which me or my siblings bump into will come in a package of this huge guilt. Because the responsibility is huge to raise a kitten. Even I was kind of giving up in taking care of Minyu and Salem. But it has its own reasons why. If only I own my own house, kittens I've found on the streets will be my personal belongings. But what more could be done, I'm helpless to provide a shelter of those stray cats. Poor thing!

I dream of building up cats and dogs' shelter if I were a millionaire.
or at least if I have extra money.

Remember, stray cats & dogs - they also have souls.

Like us.
The pain might just feel the same.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Nice Weekend


Grateful all the way to Him because lately my life has been so 'alive'! Happiness in which ignited smiley face to be worn on my face all the time! :)

The weekend started awesomely with a visit from Mimi. We had fun today and more fun tomorrow as mom and Nida will be joining us and it'd be a terrific weekend! Hee!

Love is felt to engulf me a lot!
Indeed, I'm happyyy!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Exchanging Partners

It is mostly the sad feeling tonight, Diary.

I am questioned hardly by such answerable questions in my head about guys in general and love, specifically.

In a love relationship, two persons of different sexes fall in love with each other with a quest that they both actually have a lot in common. But at the middle, when the time gets longer, although it is quite fit to say the longer they know the more things regarding him/her that they'll know within each other; renders it to be insanely possible because there suddenly exists misunderstandings, uncommon things/interests are created making almost all stuffs turned as sour as sour plum.

The mostly common case is when there suddenly exists a whole new character into that relationship being as an obstacle to the smoothness beforehand. But I admit it is not wholly the fault of that new character that just comes into stage, it is just basically the entire fault of whom get the situation hot for a moment that, that one should be stoned to death, if emotionally driven.

So, what do men want really? They have what they have gained with so much efforts previously but then they just wasted it as if nothing in memories is ever valuable to them. Because that other new character is beautiful, makes them think twice of any bizarre chances that might be coming into life once in a lifetime. The possibility in getting the chance is undeniably risky but still men would weigh its pros and cons in order to get hold of that new, beautiful character. For their own satisfaction.

I am intrigued by such notion that men can actually have to be naughty once in a while but why can women? (I mean, why can't I...? :p)

Seriously I did actually give the leeway for him to go for her. But the hurt I expected to hold would be so painful, I know. So I don't want to let anything go for I believe 87% of his 'being naughty' is temporary while I'll be getting the permanent one.

Lastly, the truth is, I'm getting tired of this.
I didn't give a damn just now.

Sleep tight, D. Night night.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Getting Fat, me.

Hi Little Diary,

How are you? (Heheheh!)

Well Diary, I just want to share with you that I think over time, I'm gaining weight! Or the rude way of saying it is I'm getting fat! I put myself to tests every now and then and obviously the fact is indeed true. For examples, when I sit on the toilet bowl, I couldn't see any white line beside both my feet. That's first. Secondly, when I wear skinny jeans, the above of my knees both have this extra baggage which when I pinched it, it has almost about a grasp, wo! Luckily, it still fits me. Haha! And whenever I sit and drive, I could see as if err a big snake on the chair. lol! I'm not that happy for this but I could say my life has been happier since I allowed myself to eat a lot. At least, I don't have to visit Klang Hospital that often for broken stomach. *wink wink*

Just really hope I can make my heart becoming really really fat too. So that, it'll be numb, dumb, and a bum!

I need to make myself busy. I'm going to take that job.

Rest to sleep now, D.

Monday, May 31, 2010

The Illiterate Me

This is just a teaser for my upcoming literature project. An image of a very scratch idea.

She has a full smile; a nice built-in nose; shiny skins with little pimples; an invisible two-row of eyebrows - nicer if she applies a fair amount of black eyebrow colour; her eyes are restless, extended but shining with a lustre exuding smooth and pleasant radiance where her inner beauty lies in; at both edges of her mouth there lies sweet dimples one has to really observe its visibility; her hair is a little wavy at the back but mostly straight at the front, giving this softness look on it; she's quite sexy but I must say it is the appropriate sexiness that she displays - nothing is more or less. She loves kids. May as well one day be a great mom.

She is beloved by many. This is to say - family, friends, boys, girls - for her amazing joyousness she portrays in herself. The well-being of her upbringing emerged by way of directing herself towards fun, beautiful, nice things in life. As if she ignores and avoids the ugliness of this world and only takes up all the good, mostly sweet things into the palm of her hands.

Hm, well... That's enough. Think I should create a monstrous character to fight with the angel but, how come the sequence of a story has to be always like that? So sick of it! Will brainstorm that later.

For the time being, that above description really clouds my mind. Sometimes, it makes me think that life is beautiful.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Random Note


*Sigh, sigh, sigh and more sighs!
I couldn't find a clue why still this brain wanted some kind of connection with her? Am I going mad? Hearken!

Don't wish to be eaten by such a dreary thought. It is scary. Fear me, yes. Still if she's not a ghost, why would she haunt my self-being? Do I want to befriend with her? I think, er, yes I do want it! Honestly, she's simply amazing. Why? Creativity is there. But at once, I should stop looking out for her. She's got a life, dude. She didn't bother you and yeah, why should I be bothered then, eh?

Anyways! Tomorrow (May 27th) is the convocation that I should supposedly be joining but well, but.. well, but.. well, I couldn't so I suppose I just have to attend my boyfriend's and taking Syida's advice into account to 'buat hati kering' will be surely done.

God, help me.

Monday, May 17, 2010

A Crying Heart

Dear Diary,

Have you ever wonder how heart could cry? It has no eyes. It cannot shed any tear. But yet, yes, I believe the heart could cry. It can cry for a very long time and we are not able to wipe the heavily tears. That is why I would prefer eyes to cry. At least, I can clean it after it comes out and then smiles.

"The sorrow which has no vent in tears may make other organs weep." ~Henry Maudsley

It is true - the above saying. I am put to think of why tears do not want to come out although my heart is as heavy as the black raining cloud? I would be back to normal after crying out. It's the relief which I am searching for. So, so difficult to find now. *Sigh*

I wish I could be the normal me who can easily cry when I am sad...

"The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea." ~Isak Dinesen

I need this cure!

The crying heart picture is credited to http://www.flickr.com/photos/15195261@N07/3999305215/.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Be Puzzled


Sometimes I am puzzled with love. How could love be so strong at one time and the next time around, love becomes so weak when things happen. Then, wouldn't it be hard to install things back as usual? Things that happen are such as betrayal, uncommon interests, etc.

Difficult and painful are the words to explain how hard it is to accept even any reasonable explanations towards bad things that happened on our way. Thus, what's left is how to deal it best, how to cope with our own unstable emotions. Fooling our mind insanely.

I seriously don't want to encounter such hard feelings with the man I love. Because to me, I don't need any other man than him. For my stupid attitudes that may make him sick of me, no one can better this. I'm still holding on. Towards any betterment of that. Although I know I'm not stupid as stupid does. I shall change this into a reality.

I love you.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Shoot Me Kill Me

Oh how am I going to burst this out? I think I am left with a bundle of ignorance by the others who play such those important roles to my self-function. Without those being unplaced, the abundance damned me.

Frankly saying, I'm now not in the eagerness of achieving my dreams. Or at least, a short term goal. As if I'm dragged hardly towards even thinking to be blossomed with good spirits. So tired facing people's conducts that are various. In the rightful way or the other way around. I'm so tired.

These sufferings without something to make me move are unbearable anymore. I can feel my heart is hanging at the edge of its stalk waiting to fall down at the base of my tummy. In short, I feel like it's screaming out loud due to the painful bearings. Cut my hand bleed, I think I won't feel any pain.

On this moment of being really low, seriously I need myself shut down. Or be shot.