Torn Between Two Loves

Is it possible to live 2 loves at the same time?

Zainab, the eldest daughter of Prophet Muhammad once had a tough choice between honoring her love towards her beloved father and her husband. There was a time when Islam came to Makkah, many relations of families and friends became sour when a line has finally drawn between Muslims and non-Muslims. Zainab was among the first women who embraced Islam but her husband not. Even so, their marriage was still intact. However, at the end, she made her way back to her family in Madinah, reunited and fully practiced Islam. She had to leave her husband as their marriage was terminated according to Islam (where Muslim cannot marry non-Muslim)

Then, war after war, Zaid, a Prophet's companion managed to sabotage trade caravans from Makkah that were traveling past Madinah. All the merchandise and employees were brought to Madinah. One of the employees was Zainab's former husband, who successfully escaped and he later knocked a right door that had him met his former wife, Zainab. In all his despair, he knew he could trust her.

He told her he was worried of the confiscation of the merchandise that he held in trust under barter trades in Syria.The people in Makkah trusted him and he needed to return the merchandise to the purchasers.

When Zainab left for Subuh prayers, she told her father's followers that she gave protection to her former husband. Prophet Mohammad reminded her to receive him with all honour but don't let him come as a husband. After that, all the merchandise were returned to him in hopes he would embrace Islam and he was asked whether he would join Islam and he told them "It were a bad beginning to my Islam, that I should betray my trust."

After returning the goods to Makkah, he came back to Madinah and embraced Islam. His marriage to Zainab was reinstated by Prophet Muhammad with great celebration by the people of Madinah.

That is the story of Zainab.

My story. I'm torn between two loves too. Hm, not between a father and a husband but between a Muslim and a non-Muslim. 1st of all, i really don't expect it would come to me the second love which is so appealing. It wasn't searched by me, it just came like the wind. I don't know how to put this. But, the confusion really annoys and hurts. And this is really a heartache! At one side, i thought of maintaining the day-by-day-faded-away relation with a Muslim. At the other side, the glory of 'like/love/whatever' has consumed me little by little with this non-Muslim.

This is like a crap. But did Dato' Dr. Fadzilah Kamsah's theory about Malay guys being unromantic really true? Likely true, likely bullshit. I don't know. My head is going to explode, but i really hope could see a way out of this disheartening split within myself. Help me, Ya Allah...

I shut down now. Bye diary.