Faith

Dear Diary,

Now is the inhumanly hours to blogging but when my mind has its says, thus you are where I'm turning into regardless whether time is the essence.

Every now and then, I went high & low to get myself completed those compulsory responsibilities. At this age of approximately 23, I'm grateful to be born a Muslim. However, although I am, I am a sinner as well. Sins that had contaminated this huge feeling to be closed to God. Sometimes - most of the times - I did neglect some, I admit. But the weird thing is, I'd be getting back to the exact points I've ruined & ponder about why 'this foundation' in me do groggy once in a blue moon. I shall make equal of this to wearing a blanket when your feet feel cold but once it becomes warm again, you kick the blanket down the bedside. And when your feet feel cold once more, you grope about it through the darkness of the night recovering your cold feet again. To question; why can't the feet be just warm throughout the night? Or at least why can't the blanket just stay covered all the time? This reminded me of Katy Perry's Hot N Cold in its chorus that goes;

"Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up [This sentence here is inapplicable, okay?]
You don't really want to stay, no
But you don't really want to go-o"

The above is just to show that one is trapped in the middle & being pushed and pulled to the right and to the left. [Got me?]

Regarding His existence, I am all solid. Regarding the teachings, I can count on myself. Diary, at this point of time, I'd reject anything that is foreign. Therefore, what is actually lacking...?

Has it something to do with the bad deeds already done? Suddenly I hate myself when thinking of the past.

Hardly wait for Ramadhan to come... Diary.
To nourish this rotten inside.