Thought It Was Harder!

Hi Diary,

Since my mom went to Bali with Nida & Mimim, I was assigned to take care of the house, then. At the beginning, I was a bit reluctant to do so, because I thought that taking care of the cats, a paralyzed auntie, and cooking (sometimes) would be very much bothering. However, after 2 days doing it, it was not that bad as I earlier thought, hehe! Unexpectedly, I kind of enjoyed doing it, so far. Yes, Pichi my little brother is with me but unfortunately he has not been a helping hand. Yeah, normal boys' behavior, I guess. They just do the thing when they are forced to. In this case, I really have to be a fierce big sister to him. Therefore, I used the scolding method. lol! That would do fairly enough to a boy who only gives a damn to playing GTA and conquering the TV alone, all day long.

Plus, the thing that made me 'going on' & enjoying life at the moment is - the birth of Momi's kitten, of course! The kitten kind of, shone me 'the light' to my darkest nightmare, hehe! :p Thanks Snowy Kitty, I love ya!

Little kitty that has got no name yet.

So! Wish I could hold on longer until Wednesday!
Good girl to myself, haha.. :D

Wet Eyes

Indeed, today is the saddest Aidiladha.
How I wish I was away! T_T

The Mother's Love

A mother is not supposed to show favoritism to any of her children. That's what most of us would believe how a mother should react to upbring the children. Each of every child in siblings would have different personalities. Which would be great or worse in mother's eyes. Therefore, favoritism emerges out of the undivided love. But, I definitely don't believe this superstitious belief most people have in their mind. Why? Because it's not happened to me, in reality.

This is among the reasons why I was at first, kind of - reluctant to come back home for this semester break. Kind of satiated with all the situations I could foresee - with mother's extra attention to those significant ones. And, of course, the significant ones do not include me.

Although one might argue this undivided love from a mother, I myself couldn't help but feel the unfairness happens. It's so sick to just pretend like it's actually not so.

Only one thing I can prove that I also could appear better in my mother's eyes is through self-achievement. That's only through time - would help me rise on the surface.

Still, I'd remember without fail - the divided love between us to those who are my mother's favorites. I remember good.

Delete or Not To Delete?

Diary,

I think I kind of hate Facebook. But I can't resist myself from checking into there more & more often every time - whenever I have the chance. Such a contradictory yes-and-no in between. Believe it or not, I've given it a thought over deleting my account, several times. Hmm... but, those comments my friends have had written over my wall and my pictures are deeply appreciated that I don't want to lose them! It's a sign, at least, they knew I'm existed. And there are funny comments that made me bursting out my laugh each time I went through reading it.

Admittedly, Facebook has given me many opportunities to meet up new friends as well! Not to be left out, those old school ex-classmates on which surely had me dropped out my jaw seeing at their changes over time - through photo-viewing, of course. It's the time to collect all those memories back from some lane to be remembered for some pictures. How memorable! And, new friends... Ahaha, I'm pretty tickled at how this social website could bring out the daring me, somehow. Not in a bad way, eh. Meeting a guy out of it? I couldn't even imagine that! Bahaha...

Off now!

Window-Shopping!

It has been long enough not to share any thoughts in here. It was because of the examinations which needed me to a full focus.

Since it has gone, it left me with bundle of boredom now. Or shall I call it 'bundom'?

So!, I've done things that perfectly killed 'bundom' since then! Like just now, I went window-shopping at MidValley by myself which I enjoyed every second of it! Yeah, just a window-shopping because I didn't have the means to really shop, you know? How pity.. Anyway, it's OK since it's also a type of shopping. Haha. The joy of leisurely going alone is actually spending quality time with your own self. On daily basis, you are always occupied to busily treating the others with your own kindness. By becoming a loner of window-shopping/shopping, actually, it keeps your mind free from focusing to other people who need your attention. You let yourself relaxed and rejuvenated while allowing yourself to enter into any boutique/shop that you are not allowed to when you go to the mall with your boyfriend. Just my two cents' worth. No offend, but really girls, I know everyone feels just the same.

I've found way too many pretty stuffs today but managed to have only 2 or 3 garments. The cheap ones eh, but pretty things to my eyes.. Oh uh, I'm not really a shopaholic myself by posting this entry but I've to admit I really enjoy it! Who doesn't! Hopefully by this window-shopping, it generates self-spirit to study harder & smarter, get a better pay of salary and shop all I want! (This is to make window-shopping looks not particularly wrong to guys' eyes..) Haha! Brilliant.

Women & shopping cannot be separated, indeed.
Like Nadia & her window-shopping! Haha.

(The above picture is credited to southeasttennessee.com)

Haunted Me

I just had sat the first paper yesterday & I didn't know whether I did OK or what. But I answered those longer - I mean, longer.

While revising last night, how I wanted to log in here so much & WRITE! Ideas were pouring like the rain. But now..

O diary.

Think now I'm really at my lowest self-confidence. I never expect pictures can really be that HAUNTED.

Indeed I'm scared!

Unhappy Morning

It's stomachache, laziness, feeling dreadful, jealousy and why is there annoyance everywhere, today?

I woke up just now at 3 having determined to finish an essay - 5 long pages in length - but rather I ended up on YouTube. Treating myself with the goodness of live music - broadcast myself, na? I like it.

Despite that, I still have the strong will to finish the essay before its due this noon. Really at the eleventh hour of job, eh? Hope you don't mind. Who would?

Oow! The stomachache's coming again!

Killing Assignment!

Diary, I'm in the middle of doing this assignment - annotated bibliography. I was asked to find at least 5 sources for the topic "Social Effects of Globalization".

And then, each of the sources (journal articles, newspaper article, internet articles & so forth) I should recite it and yeah, OK with that.

After that, I've to write the annotations from which I've to scan those endless research papers for about 100-150 words long. In short, I've to summarize, paraphrase, do the main points identification & discuss its strengths and weaknesses.

I'm OK with the above instruction!

BUT, what I'm NOT OKAY is;

I've searched days ago the respective journals only to have found just now that those AREN'T the journals but rather the REVIEWS. No wonder mine were all so short like in two pages only! And yet I've started to feel happy about not having to spend extra dime on printing out those lengthy research reports! How sucks!

Now, right now!, where the submission is due tomorrow, I've only found the REAL journals that may contain as many as 80+ pages where money is concerned!

And how sucks is that to be annoyed while doing something I like with slight confusion of thinking beforehand.

And, sleepy is me for the moment. Too bad!

It kills my purse. And me.

A Weepy Weepo

Hi Diary,
I never cried at night while sleeping soundly. How pathetic it is to suddenly wake up & cry, isn't it? But last night - I had that moment.

Sadness crept in when the thoughts have had something bad being lingered about before sleeping. So, that's why I guess, just a sudden surge of waking up half consciously has made me weeping when the brain was full of fool junkies that shouldn't supposedly be thought of.

Weird, though. Is this some kind of psychology problem?
And thus, am I mad? How then am I mad? Hearken!

Overprotected!

Mostly, it is the sighs tonight.

I am tired of the same routine. Of the same laziness. Of the same study place. Or perhaps, of the same - boyfriend? Whatever I stated hereby admittedly I said it under over-generality of the concerned matters.

Well, the tenderness of love is still there, no biggies. The overprotection is a load bundle I feel careworn somehow, for that. I'm so drown into what I called 'this massive carer'. Helps are welcome foremost when people give that away. It can be assumed as free-goodies in the mall when you go shopping. Who would refuse it, right?

But - yeah, certain people are ungrateful for all the things they get for free. It tends to be more to happiness rather than being grateful. I am of no exception.

To treat me like the rest? I have no objection towards that. But one thing I wonder, can I (who has been spoiled) go through these alone without 'the carer'? Think I could, then I would. Vice versa, na?

The redundancy, dear, that I could not bother in full. You're overprotective. That leads to being busybody. I am jaded and suffocated for all these unwanted attention. Yeah, this sounds ungrateful. Seriously, sometimes I need myself. My space. My time.

I need a car, actually. So, I can commute to anywhere without bothering other people. I swear - bothering other people in return would go back to bothering yourself, actually. And, bothering yourself is like hijacking what supposed to be your personal inside. And an outcome of it, you are messed!

I need a car to solve all these tiny little problems. Seriously.

Hungry & Sleepy

It's so quick for me to get sleepy these days.
It's so quick for me to get hungry these days.
And I dislike it.
Because, why?
Because I wish I could have spent more time studying.
Because I want to avoid gaining more weight that fast.

Those contribute into me becoming LAZIER.
The Final Exams are just around the corner.

Sucks!

Random Thought

Sometimes, in being a human, you really don't know what is happening to you although you do realize what you do might hurt certain other people. All you care is that you really enjoy every lively moment of it and that you're happy - that matters. On the contrary, the feeling of probability you might hurt others is accepted not being as great as you do feel guilty at par. The enjoyment is felt but at the same time, it's not full.

Although it is something unsure, most of the happiness - it's like 'worth it'!

This is probably a hanging entry but those who understand, understood. I hate letting time passed me by freely, but that's what I'm doing, right now.

Am I An Adult?

"The more adult you'd become, the more interesting its attraction would be." -Anonymous

Yes. As though the kiddy world is no more your playground. I always assumed I'd always be a kid at heart, Diary. But, it's kind of taking off from this base. The enjoyment of metamorphosing yourself into a real adult with no more gawky actions, is really into me at the moment. What has sparked that off me, surely something that couldn't be shared here interpretatively. Anyhow, believe me - this is not something eeuw, okay? People are injected with negative films of thinking when the other started to discuss something about this, oh why.

Also not forgetting, the complexity of it. Ehe!

That's it. I'm an adult.
In case I've forgotten, do remind me. Hehe!

Losing Minyu

What a hectic Eid Mubarak I've had this year, dear Diary!

Minyu went missing on the fourth day of Syawal while I was enjoying Raya with friends. This time, she has gone travelling for 5 days! I really wonder where has she ventured to in that bushy area of my house in Pontian. Ever since she's been missing, I've totally stopped being happy and it was rather grey for this Raya, I felt. It was an experience of mundaneness of losing a husband, per my mum says. Bet I love her way too much!

Alhamdulillah now that she has been found, I felt a huge relief thrown out of my shoulder & I'm rather glad she's here with me now. This mind has come back to calmness. No worries of Minyu's being bitten by snakes or kids on the road had taken her away. All that have gone~

Minyu is very adventurous, I think. She loves to explore new places. But, she doesn't know how to survive on her own out there. This Whiskas-only cat couldn't go to a supermarket to buy herself a bag of Whiskas therefore she has tried hard to find her way back home! And... she MADE it! Kudos Minyu!! She told me stories yesterday of her adventure in a language that only Minyu & I could understand... And yes, she has a lot to tell! Hehe.

And.. Now, all I need to do is to focus on my assignments.

BUT -- why the heck can't I? What now, minddd..?!!

Re-installing her energy. She has lost some weight, her cheeks have little residue, she's a little bit dingy. But, she's safe!

Thanks Mama, Abah, Nida, Emy, Mimim & Pichi for your concerns!

This Is My Problem

I never yet had a time throughout this Ramadhan where I am left with zero ideas to what to eat for breaking the fast. But today, I have. The main reason; I'm officially broke. Ehehe! Yeah, you're right - I should've just rang my father asking him to bank-in some. But, I don't have the heart to. I know somehow they're using a huge sum of money for Raya to come so, a stitch in time saves nine, right? (I mean, it lessens their burden if I don't ask..) But still!

Maybe it's because of this starving stomach that makes me think of these excessive desires for food! I really don't know what to eat, later. To cook? The fridge in this house was just broken 2 days ago so I had forcefully thrown all the fish & meat I've bought for rainy days. Just fry nasi goreng? Nay - totally a voracious carnivore during this fasting month, I tell ya. I need some flesh. Hehe..

I need some miraculous rezeki from God to help me save the day. Amin.

Iftar With Rad

Had a lovely night tonight at the House of Pakeeza in PJ!

Anas & I were having good time which we shared it together with my BFF, Rad and her half other heart, E.J. for breaking the fast. They're lovely, gorgeous couple. Looking forward to having a blast with both of them again! The chemistry built within that short while was so immense. Hee!

But what is missed on that lovely Iftar was a handy camera.
Darn it. -_-'

P/S: Lately, I kind of lazy to write into you, Diary, because right after breaking the fast - MOST OF THE TIME, it's gotten some sleepiness on the eyes. Couldn't stand it. Blame the eyes. No. Blame NOT.

Bye.
(It was so lovely that I wanted to nestle the moments into here to be remembered..)

Cheated by An Alarm Clock

Today... Hehe. Just this early morn, when I woke up for sahur - I was awaken without the banging sound of my alarm clock, like always. I did wake up on my own. Something, something made me 'up'! You know. Up!

All my flatmates were away. Away at their hometown. Oh! I was, last weekend. So, it's my turn to be alone this weekend. Only Syu is here but she also has fled away somewhere I don't even bother to know. Hehe.

So, to story, I woke up in a rush when I glanced at the clock that the minute needle showed at ?:40 a.m. Oh my! Oh my! It meant that I only have few minutes left to fulfill my stomach with food. Going into the kitchen, taking up a mug - filling it with sky juice and taking a seat on the dining table. Luckily, there has leftovers from yesterday's Iftar of a bowl of fried rice & some cold nuggets. I ate a spoon of rice quickly only to have found that it was already hackneyed. Ugh~ So! Just the cold nuggets went down my belly with just plain water. Sad.

But I was feeling grateful I managed to even wake up at least, haha! Finishing that with a mug of water, I lazily dragged my half-lively body into the room. My eyes once again peek a glance at the clock hanging on the wall in the living hall. It showed 5:05 a.m. 'Ahh! Impaired clock!!' said me knobbly.

Once entering the room, I was startled to see that the alarm clock really showed it was 5:05 a.m.! Woaaahh! Meaning, I was EARLY! Hahaha! What a rush! Without wasting any minute, I rushed off again to the kitchen, lighted up the stove, took out the frozen nugget from the fridge and fried it. I also made myself eggnog - just to fill up the stomach. And a mug of hot Milo. Hee! I made it for Sahur finally, and actually.. And, now I'm pretty full to be going through the day without the worms making noisy sounds out of my belly, later on.

How time could cheat!

Minyu Minyu Minyu

Hey Diary,
The first day of fasting has gone smoothly as I think the weather had been such a help too! Great weather, moreover; it was Saturday, therefore, nothing really dragged me off tiredness. Another bonus... Minyu (a cat) is here too, accompanying me going through the day. I'm so grateful she's here because she was the one accompanying me sahur when nobody else ever would. The extra bonus, of course, the credit would be given to my flatmate family who's been kind enough to share some food specially cooked for the first Iftar together. How am I not delighted with all these greatness for the first day in Ramadhan!

Minyu, on the other side, she's so, so wonderful! She sleeps when I turn off the lights. She licks my cheeks to wake me up at 4 a.m. when she hears the alarm clock banging. She sleeps, too, throughout the day when I take a day nap. She sits beside my lappy when I am online. She entertains the people she doesn't recognize to take their hearts. And... ohmigod! she is so flirty to guys more than the girls!

Just now, Minyu has taken her ass off to sleep beside me when I intended to just take a short lay down. So, I grabbed a camera & snapped her in action!

Sleeping at a narrow space beside me

Moving down to the floor, absorbing some coolness

My day has been pretty Daisies with her attendance. I love to see her sleeping with four legs in the air, I love she's being a bit dominant to grab whatever spaces that are mine!

I love Minyu a lot! Anas has done a good job in taking care of her all these while.
Kudos to Anas!

Daa..

Army's Rotation For Food

Just tonight, Diary, he has accused me of being a spoiled brat after complaining how scarce my money has been nowadays. It triggered my head not to agree with that harsh accusation just because I thought he didn't know enough what a spoiled brat would mean technically.

Those were through the phone.

When we met later on for dinner; which eventually came to the time to go home, I pulled a canvas bag filling up with the modem, only to have found it was tonnes heavier than what a modem's normal weight would be! I figured out yet another plastic bag tied to the canvas bag, full of these!


Of course I refused directly on that time! Somehow I saw one of those was a pack of biscuit and said I don't eat biscuit at all. [Really, I don't. I'm not that type who loves to munch.] However, he replied 'It's the vegie biscuit - good for your stomach'. I went further checking. Instead, telling an ultimatum that he wouldn't want to befriend with me if I refuse taking it.

Reaching my room, I put all out. And the heavy stuffs are actually those above that I captured later on. Not purposely to be on the wall of fame to blog this but HOW I AM TOUCHED! Really! Tears are shed.

He messaged me then;

Is it OK? It's not much but in time of emergency, one can be alive still in about a week by eating my kind of soldier's rotation for food.

"I don't know what to say but you made me woken up & again, falling in love with..."
[I complained not because I needed these, I complained because one of the *girl's natures is to express worry. You girls would understand.]

It's Anas, Diary. T_T

*I'm a girl who's not yet a woman

Rainy Brain

A piece of work I could not directly post into you, Diary. It was raining cats and dogs outside and inside, the idea rained in my head too. Jotting it down in my note then - now virtually.

Monday, August 17th.
Rain - raining again, heavily. Up there, as if the showers are plenty. I open my window a bit; the rain's splashing in - created these watery dots on my writing table - the longer, the many. Almost wet, I close the window lids. Pick a tissue, wipe it all away. Now it's dry and clean, my head I put on to lay. I look up at the window, I wish I could go outside, wetting myself into the rain. I would jump happily, no one knew. Because everybody's hiding in their shelters. I would cry in the rain, no one noticed. Because the tears would flow together with the rain that falls onto my face. I would scream as well. Because the thunder's more loud than my shrieks. Still I put my head lying on the table. Looking out of the window, somehow I know that the rain is going to stop showering soon.

Now; it has stopped. Just as I knew.

4:10PM

Ta! =)

Faith

Dear Diary,

Now is the inhumanly hours to blogging but when my mind has its says, thus you are where I'm turning into regardless whether time is the essence.

Every now and then, I went high & low to get myself completed those compulsory responsibilities. At this age of approximately 23, I'm grateful to be born a Muslim. However, although I am, I am a sinner as well. Sins that had contaminated this huge feeling to be closed to God. Sometimes - most of the times - I did neglect some, I admit. But the weird thing is, I'd be getting back to the exact points I've ruined & ponder about why 'this foundation' in me do groggy once in a blue moon. I shall make equal of this to wearing a blanket when your feet feel cold but once it becomes warm again, you kick the blanket down the bedside. And when your feet feel cold once more, you grope about it through the darkness of the night recovering your cold feet again. To question; why can't the feet be just warm throughout the night? Or at least why can't the blanket just stay covered all the time? This reminded me of Katy Perry's Hot N Cold in its chorus that goes;

"Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up [This sentence here is inapplicable, okay?]
You don't really want to stay, no
But you don't really want to go-o"

The above is just to show that one is trapped in the middle & being pushed and pulled to the right and to the left. [Got me?]

Regarding His existence, I am all solid. Regarding the teachings, I can count on myself. Diary, at this point of time, I'd reject anything that is foreign. Therefore, what is actually lacking...?

Has it something to do with the bad deeds already done? Suddenly I hate myself when thinking of the past.

Hardly wait for Ramadhan to come... Diary.
To nourish this rotten inside.

Pity you, my Earth!

Diary,

The weather today was continually behaving good & bright. As per saying what Anas has said just now at lunch, he has been all the way happy because of the great weather. I was tickled by that! How the weather could influence the mood of a person, I thought. With no haze, yeah, I could be exceptionally happy so I don't get the same pain in my chest when going out, anymore. Thank God.

Earlier before at dawn, I was rang by my mother asking whether I needed to be fetched to Pontian today if the MC I got was still available. Yeah. They're particularly becoming so concerned about me, recently since I was confirmed to have contracted with H1N1. I am so thankful but at the same time, hopefully that I don't help spreading the virus around. Whoever closer to me, so far, they are having no fever. Thank God, too.

Deep inside my head, I was thinking of all the happenings that struck us in these few months, may be rooted from the idea that 'our Earth is already so, so old that she has become weak & sick' too. Therefore, to help our Earth regains her health back is by having this utmost efforts in making this a better place to live for a couple of thousand years more. Google about this more, alright?

Inside, I really hope the coming Ramadhan may bring us some spaces to pray & to place some hopes so that everything will be okay. We would never expect at the early half of this year, the virus H1N1 would attack us human worldwide. Therefore, we could never predict what Ramadhan could carry us to, towards a better change for everything that have already worsened! Hardly wait for Ramadhan - a month full of good chances!

Till now Diary.
The thunder has started striking now. Soon, it will begin to raining. Go away, Haze! Go far away! I need fresh air to breath in.

A Wonderful Matt Wilson

Dear Diary,

I'm sick. Of H1N1. Again. In pain. Insane.
It's like dying slowly. Hurt in the chest. But I know you know what Diary, my friend, a pianist portrayed in YouTube has composed me a piece entitled 'A Friend From Afar' very nicely! Here is the video.



Feeling happy all of a sudden, and like I'm healthy all over again - these are the outcomes after viewing this great piece of music especially for me! For the first time ever, I have someone composed me such a beautiful music, Diary! How I'm touched!

Coincidently, that I'm falling sick, and on that precise moment, this music clip has been uploaded by Matt Wilson from Connecticut - a deary friend I knew through these web of technologies nowadays. How wise!

Aside from that, one thing good about having this friendship is about how magical it is when the time zones between where I live and he lives is one day/24 hours in difference. For an example, if we were to chat online, if it is 12PM in my place, it'd be 12AM in his! So, I think of this as being so unique yet amazing! I love sphere!

Hehe~
Bye Diary.

OMG!

Oh my goodness!,
A bottle full of water,
Had finally a hole made under,
Of which its name is leaker,
A twist of fates Lay knew better,
Twisting mind stressing the bearer,
Within its time of forever,
Gives up a giver,
Struggle the later,
To make it best not just better,
Sober;
An unsound mind when you are sober,
Afraid of being a hater,
Later;
Having this punished by the Giver,
Oh sadder,
Let not this happens any longer,
Give up those thoughts which deeper,
Prepared the better,
Hoping it be smoother.

This poem has a really, really deeper meaning to me. It has me engulfed with headache every single night in my sleep. Its literal meaning couldn't be shared, just to be self-interpreted to those who read & understand this by heart. Ohh this is truly heavy for me!

Dissappoinment

Diary,
I'm getting well but only to find out that I missed Lenka Showcase yesterday in One Utama (the 2nd of August's show)...

I A M D I S S A P P O I N T E D !

I know somewhere in KL now, Lenka's sleeping soundly! How am I going to meet her? To watch her singing? Aaa.. All the backstage passes were finished!

How? How? How? I cannot stop thinking tonight. About this. About when my favorite singer is in KL and there's something I know I could do to realize my dream of meeting her!

Lenka, the least I could do is to buy your album, yeah? I'll get it, I promise! I won't just download those from the internet. Furthermore, not all of the songs are downloadable. I will get the album!

Lenka's in KL this week but how am I going to meet her?

Good night, Diary!

H1N1: The Jerk

Dear Diary,

I am still weak after the attentive treatment from those dedicated nurses in Hospital Pontian. Even now I still couldn't believe that I was suspected for H1N1. What a jerk! But I accepted it all. At least I have an experience to talk about. And, a 10-days rest at home for quarantine.

Our environment is not that safe, anymore, Diary. What we breath in and out of this air, is not as clean. What contains in it is unknown.

Actually, I have composed such many words to tell my experience here. However, I feel really weak now and need a lie-down right away.

Just a reminder, please do not remain outside for too long. It is unhealthy. Wear a mask if you catch a cold. Exercise cleanliness precautions after coughing and sneezing.

Eh? But, you're just a Diary! You don't even breath!

Wasting my time. Off.

Hm Poem~

Diary,
Just got inspired by a pianist friend so this is the outcome of the end!


A Tragedy Being Hurt

She hunched her body to the ground,
Only to have found;
A peace offering being turned down,
How likely does that sound?

A terrible mistake that what is,
Equaled to a worst ever quiz,
Hundreds of kindness she couldn't list,
Being wiped out in the mist!

Just what this probably meant?
Those messages being sent,
Not even one is deemed to amend,
This day by day worsened scent.

She caught her whiff,
Of her unpleasant 'if',
Everything she wanted to differ,
Unsure of which one would she prefer?

Lost, lost beautiful memories,
Into some lump sum tragedies,
Friends turned enemies,
Like daughters hate their mummies.

Of what to do; what to do,
Not even one knew,
As the wind blew,
No one noticed when it'd due.

Even one day when she becomes a star,
To this scar;
Would remind her of how far,
The girl threw the peace behind bars.

How her heart hurts,
When this has become rotted,
How absurd!,
Her deepest cry that I heard.

Nadia.
My small hut,
Shah Alam.

Sleepless' Tonight

My babe Diary,

Since I cannot sleep myself to bed, I better use this time to pen everything into here while I can.

What I notice somehow about myself now is, how easily I forget or confuse things these days. Why? Am I getting older or something that my ability to memorize is fading away bit by bit? Please oh no! I am studying and how I need this ability becoming sharper and sharper day by day! Oh-ho.

For an example, which is quite stupid (aha!), just now I typed a message to a friend and precisely when I spelled the word 'numbers' I was thinking hard whether the spelling was even correct! Oh how shallow!! I'm sad.

Is this confusion in my mind due to my sleepiness or simply because my brain is getting slower? I do not know somehow and hopefully to sharpen this utmost important ability to the max! It sounds fierce, but whatever.. eh Diary?

Just a bit on my up close & personal - I also found myself a bit lazy to read although the books are pretty interesting. I mean, hey! These are really my things! But amazingly still laziness revolves around and around. What is happening here, Nadia? Ugh! You!! Hopefully too, I'll be quick in patching up my behaviors correctly at any costs! I shall reach the star. Oh yeah.

Another one thing. I've been thinking of a friend, tonight. Impossible but true enough - throughout my life, it has been two occasions where friendship built between around of friends were broken due to some reasons. I refused to put the blame on anyone but to accept it to be my bad, too. Friendship is sacred, to me. You do not know how ruined I could be when a friend breaks the relation due to some avoidable mistakes. And how afraid I would be at times of disagreement of facts. Shit happens but this one is totally a wreck to me. As possibly as it could, surely I would try hard to avoid this from happening. But as I said, shit happens. Even the ships in the sea collide with each other even though the sea is really wide and huge. One might think how could that even be possible. However, there were a number of cases had already happened so what's so impossible or even possible out of it?

To that friend, if ever read this, I would really like to bury the hatchet between us. This peace offering will be evergreen to a lifetime so whenever you feel like befriending me again, it would be very much a warm welcome. I'll treat our friendship into a new book of Diary. (Not you, Diary! Don't be perasan.) Lets just forgive and forget.

Well my Babe Diary, seems like I'm becoming sleepy so lets go to bed.

Randomize my Saturday

Oh Diary!

What a dreadful day today is!

Hm.

I'm feeling sad for my little brother's unexpected accident yesterday when he was on his way back home, got hit by this little fat boy who is said to have envied for my brother's GT bike! If only I could meet him up, a good scold and a nice slap on the face would do me just good. Would do him just fine too! Little kids sometimes need that little scares away from big brothers, big sisters of his friends so he wouldn't act rude!

Oh my Lord.

On a different side of that, I'd like to tell you Diary how I love my Cappuccino with one and a half teaspoon of milk! Wonderful!

Recently, my phobia with the elevators eat me MORE! I really do not know why do I have to fear that convenient machine for nothing?! *Sigh* For that phobia, I often confuse myself of the buttons for 'open' and 'close' of the doors. Because normally, most of the elevators just use the symbols of [><] for open and [<>] for close rather than just simply using words to say those. This has frightened me a lot especially when there are people outside waiting for me to open the doors for them from the inside. It's even scarier if I were the only one who left inside! Surely they expect me to push the 'open' button for them! A good luck it is if I get it right! But it really pisses them off if I push the wrong one - having the doors closing on them. *Sigh* I really didn't mean it, people. I got confused. I do really afraid of the elevators. Luckily, the one in my apartment has its automatic censor if people pass through it, it beeps its sound then only it'll close afterwards.

I even wonder if this kind of phobia has its name. Usually all kinds of ridiculous phobias have its very own unique names, aren't they? Hee.. =D

On another material, I'd like to preview some recent movies I went to watch: Ice Age 3, The Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and Harry Porter - The Half Blood Prince. Although the second one is considered widely by people as the greatest movie of the year, to me, the third one IS! I chunked every moment quite well off in the third! For the first one, I slept off half the movie, haha! Whatever.

At another random pick, I think a simple bath is a teeth-brushing, a facial-washing and a body-foaming. Oo, why do I post this here? (Feels like typing it down.)

A top and a pretty skirt make me looking nice on Saturday at home. ;) Feels like doing make-up but later I feel lazy to clean it up back. :p

Hey, okays.
Finish randomizing my Saturday.
"Hey fat kid, I'll remember you!" [vavi!] oops! >*<

Faithfulness

Diary,

Oscar Wilde, once, is quoted to say "Those who faithless know the pleasures of love; it is the faithful know love's tragedies." It's true.

If I were to be faithful all my life, it is like an attempt to hurt myself. Doesn't it so? As to the contrary, if I were to be faithless, I attempted myself to feel the love as much as I could. So, which one would I choose to be?

I always think, it is going to be painful when being betrayed by someone in whom you pour all your love into. This made me think deeper. Of any consequence of any chance if I were in the same shoes as those who have experienced being betrayed. I could go crazy, I swear! Although, the extremeness in me now is a bit alleviated nowadays, but, I can imagine when the people I love being extremely such a harm to me, it'd re-install its phase in within. I could be as crazy as crazy does.

All happenings that people all around me are facing gave me some space and time to re-think what have I done so far in ruining my harmony kind of life. People often say 'Expect the unexpected' but the truth is, we are often being in the 'unexpected' moments not realizing whether it will happen or not. Simply, most of us just do not care of these expectations. We live accordingly. We just follow the flow. It's like a river. We just flow forward and forward but not backwards. Oh why!

God is trying to show me something by all the happenings, really. Thank God you've made me stop & think of ruining further my life.

I do really hope some who feel troubled over certain issues could settle down and relax, to be cool and to lay back, to be strong and to have a little patience each time, and mainly the tests He put on you has its own purpose to transform a much better person than you are now.

People is getting inspired from many experiences that the others are experiencing - the good and the bad. And it is a good thing to get inspired to avoid negative things. But to me, though the nature is so, I never enjoy seeing people all around me getting hurt and harmed by what they're experiencing, especially when it is bad. I feel terrible actually to learn this cruel fact in life of getting inspirations out of tragedies, it is somewhat not cool, eh Diary?

Until now Diary.
I do think a lot, lately.

Crazy In The Wind

Hi Diary,

I am blogging this as I feel weird of myself for nothing.

Tonight is incredibly windy in Shah Alam! But raining is not just yet. What a beautiful night! I can feel the softness of the wind passing through my neck, and my hair. Nothing beats the wind. Not even the air-conditioner. This is wonderful!

Tonight also, I felt this great rush of adrenaline a bit faster than usual. My dinner was sardine and fried-egg, so after it, TV was what I turned onto. As I watched a Cantonese movie on 8TV, there was this new advertisement of Garnier Aqua Defense aired in between which hitched my interest in a blink of eyes! I really have no idea what has hitched me at once about this product, but in my head I was considering of getting one!

The clock on the wall showed 9:50 PM. As I was calculating the cash I've got at the time being, at once, I got my ass up off the couch and headed to my room to change. Grabbed my purse, and unbelievably I was on my way down the lift to Guardian just nearby my house! What a rush! But what the heck, I got hitched!

I headed to the store to find that Aqua Defense is full in the rack!

Paid for it and headed for home.

I've just applied that onto my face just now. It felt as icy cold! Oh dear. I don't know really what's going on in my head. I spent my money as I like! But the feeling of satisfaction is definitely uncountable.

That's it for now, Diary. That's it for a windy night's craziness!

Simply crazily irresistable.

My New Rite of Passage

Hey Diary,

Although now (if following to 'the plan'), I should be embarked into doing LL.B and suppose to be graduated soon. However, the 'fate' says my way is diverged differently from others and from 'the plan' already created. I am rather glad seeing my other friends who have been joining the legal field seriously into making it a job for life. Really!

After all, all of us will have to struggle on our own, with our ways and no one would be spared for this. Age may be a matter concerned but the 5 Secrets To Happiness do not line that age-factor as a barrier to be as happy as the bright blue sky!

(It may sound a bit assertive but I really have to keep up this good motivation!)

Already, in my mind, I am marching forward to the idea of Happiness and gaining knowledge from a field I have my biggest passion in. With this pureness of intention, I really hope to be a star in the dark night sky... To raise up from failure. To rise and shine. To be successful as the others had.

Gladly, I have started this new course and happened that I really like it! All of them are happening and inspiring! Just a little patience will pay for this. Another 3 years to go and I will make sure to mold every moment, even though I'll like or hate, I'll just have to adapt those to myself.

Oh Diary...
I am happy now I have a goal in life. I will always open up a can. The world belongs to those who say I can. I have fallen and now is the time for me to arise like the sun shines the morning. This is because a truly wise person will constantly move forward striving for self-improvement!

Good luck, people!

Good luck, Nad...!

I Am So Annoyed!

Hey Diary,

As the title goes! Ughhh!

I guess anyone in this world who unfortunately has no unique singing voices would sometimes want to release the tension by singing! No matter how ugly the voice might be, it is still a way to express something - anything - that by singing, someone could achieve feeling free and less stress!

However, certain who has, what I consider as a voice that can sing, do not really understand this alternative. They normally just know they sing with a feeling of greatness that they are actually good at singing, without giving a damn to what the others might feel or think. Because of simply their voices could sing, they ignore the rest!

And so, when the less fortunate ones sing, just a couple of favorite songs, they are bothered by the act without thinking of when they sing, whether people would like really much of their voices or not!

To these unmentioned names here in this house, I would just like to say, "Go fcuk yourself!" as they think only them who have tensions and stress. People who do not have a singing voice, don't have any!

Excuse my language. I am mad.

Fcuk off!

Hm!

This is a great start, Dear Diary.
I shall not miss even one moment of this.
Say no more.
I'll just do.

Durian Fever!

Hey Diary,

Last Monday, I had agreed to follow my best friend's parents visiting their orchard situated in Pekan Nenas, Pontian - a small town ahead before the city of Johor Bahru. Located in between the district of Pontian and the state's capital city of JB. That is about 15 minutes journey by car. Unfortunate enough, my best friend Anis was not together with the three of us as she has had to be in her University.

My family can be said, we do not have this hobby in planting and cultivating the flora of this world. Sadly enough, my mother normally would just know to buy vegetables from the town market to be cooked. Therefore, I am grown up to appreciating others' hobbies of both cultivation and plantation. Once, I have thought that I am of no green fingers person but this thought was quashed by a prominent friend who said that is the ultimate being of a reason of laziness. His opinion is very well perceived by me, though.

A hut at the front

We started the day off by collecting durian which has fallen that night earlier into the kereta sorong.

A kereta sorong ;p (Don't know what it is in English)

Later, Uncle Hamid asked me to sit and enjoy the durian that Auntie and I have collected in the first place. The first one contained this yellowish sweet taste of durian that I myself enjoyed it till finger-licking good! Yum yum!



However, I was to enjoy it alone because perhaps Uncle & Auntie had enough enjoyment at the early of the season, eating durian. Although I was pretty shy but I had to hide it in order to satisfy this crazy craving of enjoying one. Oh. Did I tell you a night before, a friend of mine has me envied of him for the same reason? And probably, on this moment of truth I took it for the revenge! So, I did eat A LOT of it. I mean it, A LOT. In Malay - it is understood as 'pulun'!

More and MORE to come!

We also got to pluck some rambutans (rambutan gading that is yellow in colour) that day. Mm-mm! And some mangosteen. Uncle told me about a fact of eating mangosteen and drinking coffee at the same time could possibly entitle one to death. I do not know how far this is true but they said it had happened, before. The logical explanation is derived from the fact that the mangosteen is naturally 'cold' in character & coffee, the otherwise, is 'hot' in nature. Therefore, one who cannot stand these 2 elements can approach the death! Too good to be true, to me!

Rambutan from the up-close.

And this is the baby of it! Cute, huh?



Despite being bitten by a lot of kerenggas (ants) and mosquitoes, I did really enjoy every second being at the orchard. My best friend's parents treated me kindly and they were really worried of me every time feared if I'd be bitten by mosquitoes and all which I actually didn't give a mind to. That's mother nature, I think. Natural.

I had the best time there but being the consequence of the extreme enjoyment now I'm catching a feverish condition resulted from eating a lot of durian, I guess. People say, being extreme isn't good. This is it I bear with me now. But it was really priceless!

Off for now, Diary!

A Toilet Loser

Hi Diary,

Long enough already I didn't update this with some words. I've been a little busy lately with a little problem but now seemed it has been already forked up! *Hehe!*

Spending 3 days earlier mostly in Shah Alam. And a day in KL - KLCC to be exact. I planned to visit Petrosains because I heard they have put up many new scientific stuffs to be played with! But, hey, hey, hey what a tempting heart (so-called) I got later on when they have closed for the day as I arrived happily to obtain myself an entrance ticket! Sheesh~ It was a 20 MINUTES LATE! It is supposed to close at 5.30PM. Oh sadness, eat me dearly!

Feeling super-duper dissappointed, I proceeded to its goodies shop that was still opened for a brief outlook on what really is sold in there. Nothing much. Mostly souvenirs made in China. Ugh. Not that I anti-China products, people, but more to annoying when the fact which I know the prices are actually increased a little bit higher. Never mind, I didn't intend to buy either. :-P

With the money not spending for the Petrosains, instead I spent RM2.00 to enter their super-stylish public toilet. Well, they'll provide you a wet tissue and also you can use all toiletries provided such as the baby powder, hand-lotion, hand-moisturizer and all for free (paid before enter, in fact) :-P all are products of The Body Shop and Johnson & Johnson. :-P

What can I conclude here Diary.. *sigh* I visited KLCC for its RM2.00 toilet.

What a loser! :-(

Envy.

I must say I envy them. But, I accept this.
I won't be defeated by failure like forever.
I will meet my success one day.
Because, I simply have faith in the God & myself.

End.

Oh Vacation! Part 2

Then, diary..

The next day, my parents planned to go to Bukit Kayu Hitam, Kedah but when we finally got there, it was like a dead city, indeed. Nothing there. Zero! So, we departed to head to Padang Besar because according to my cousin, all the business there had been moved to Padang Besar because it is situated closer to Thailand. The lesser the distance, the easier the shipment, the cheaper the cost, I think. Haha. Even so, we had time to have snapshots taken in the gas station Petronas in Bukit Kayu Hitam. For a proof at least we have been there, gee~

Cool pic, hot weather.

On the way to Padang Besar, we continued sightseeing and snapping picturesque scenery shots. These are amongst them.

As far as the eyes can see: A paddy field across the highway

The road to Padang Besar

We spotted an alien plate number of a Thailand vehicle, I thought it as cool stuff!

In the middle of the journey, successfully persuaded my dad stopping by the road for some breathtaking snapshots. Gee!

See the benign cloudy sky combined with gigantic mountains behind? Just amazing! :-D

At both side of this road is actually the biggest cultivation of sugarcane countrywide of which I thought it was just African grass wildly grows, earlier. The ground is so wide so they are just being productive, I think! =P Great.

And yeah, still daydreaming of sinking into clear cold water as well - it's soaring HOT~~ At times like this, drinking a lot of water would just do the trick. So you wouldn't be vaporised as well into the hot air, hee! Reaching Padang Besar, so this is the first snapshot to picture how exactly the place really was..

The very first view of a never-been-here-before place.

Actually, that was not it all. There are many rows of shops and a big building at the back comprising of many small stalls selling products of Thailand - ranging from clothes to handbags to Thai mattress (shape of triangle mattress) to football jerseys to foods to beautiful brooches to even ice cream!

One of my favourite snapshot.

The ice cream is sold in 50 cents, RM1.00 and RM1.50 per cup according to size we demand. It can be topping up with glutinous rice, or some cookie crumbs and at the end of it, it is poured with some milk over the ice cream. Imagine for the cheaper price, I bet no one can resist this. On the soaring HOT weather!!

My mom was busy dealing with the towkey & my little sis busy modelling the brooch sold. Gee~ :-P

It was fun, really. Although, the 'shopping mall' isn't exactly like Mid Valley but what the heck, here you can bargain till it'd be a relatively knocked down price you may not get in MV.

At the late afternoon, we dropped by Pekan Rabu in Alor Setar to have a look and another little shopping experience at a place where our former Prime Minister Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad once had his small business on his childhood time. The most popular thing to buy here (quoted by me, hehe!) is the Kuah Rojak Buah Mak Bee. It is some kind of condensed sauce made from soy sauce, nuts, belacan and chilies, to be eaten with fruits normally. It is FINGER LICKING GOOD. Really.

View from the upfront.

At a stall with my little sis.

The colorful insight - inside.

The endless jam - outside.

Posing under the hot sun.

After quite a while spending our own sweet time there, we went back to SP. I took my own sweet time taking bath at home because that was the only thing I had in mind all day long since morning! At night, just having seafood dinner that being thought as one of a great happening but well I'll get back to this story, later.

All in all, I can't regret Malaysia doesn't have snow falling season because I simply don't. At least, I've experienced being a hot girl, anyway! Hahaha~ *You're allowed to puke* Gee~

Done with part 2!

Oh Vacation! Part 1

Dear Diary,

It has been a while since last I updated you. I've been on vacation to the North of Peninsular Malaysia with family for 5 days of fun. All tension were relieved while I was away. We've finished 4 states in 5 days, included Selangor, Perak, Kedah and Perlis. Not to forget, a country - Thailand! Just on its few steps of southern of Thailand but hey it's still on the other side of the boundary. I was thrilled!

The weather throughout the trip was soaring hot and most of the time, we were bathed in sweat. Gee~ Feels like being burnt like the beef steak! Anyways, it wasn't a barricade at all, to enjoy the scenery after scenery.

Well, it is kind of impossible to write all things that happened on the trip in just a post. I'll keep a long story short by deducting unnecessary things. :-p

Respectively in Selangor & Perak, it wasn't really a vacation. Just merely attending wedding invitations both by my mom's relatives. So, there's nothing much has happened in a wedding ceremony. Hehe, a wedding ceremony is just a plain wedding ceremony like usual. We just went to both ceremonies in one day, both differently situated in 2 different states. But I adored the one in Selangor better because it was so beautiful!

The bridal dais (Selangor).

The one in Perak has had no bridal dais simply because it was on the bridegroom side so probably they just did some simple ceremony. In the Malay culture, normally wedding ceremony will be held majestically on the bride side of family whilst the bridegroom's ceremony was simply a celebration to welcome the daughter-in-law into the family. The emblems of the marriage is done on what is called 'akad nikah' whereby it is when the guy is wedded to the girl by religious oaths on the bride ceremony. Just the same, I think, to Christian's oath in the altar of a church by saying "I do, you do" stuffs like that. Hehe.

This was when on the second wedding in Perak. Spent likely another 1 hour and a half on the highway to reach there. Oh yes you're right, my siblings and I just dozed off along the way. It seemed that's the only best thing to do, after all.

Upon the arrival at that particular relative's house, the ceremony had already been done. The cake has already been eaten. And the people were all gone. What's left - just members of the family who were busy cleaning and sleeping the evening off. Gladly enough, we made it there and our arrival was kindly treated with little evening meal with some wedding cake. Hehe! But we were pretty full actually. What is important (to my mother), that we've showed up!

After a while staying shortly for 1 hour there, we headed on our journey to Sungai Petani, Kedah - to my uncle's house. Oh yeah, we love staying there if going to the North because he is indeed a nice uncle - a brother to my dad, actually. On the way, I had snapshots of the scenery taken along the highway...







Reaching Sungai Petani in relatively 3 1/2 hours later, we had firstly stopped by Jam Besar in SP where there are mirage of food stalls there for a simple dinner before heading to our uncle's house. At night, we all were just the dead meat.

Actually Diary, along the way, I only daydreamed of dousing myself into a cold clear river water because of the heat. Even the vehicle's air-conditioner was no match of it! Oh coldness! Oh breeze! :-p

End of day one.

Like A Song

Dear Diary...
I'm in love with this song right now.
Lenka - Like A Song

I can't forget you when you're gone,
You're like a song that goes around in my head
And how I regret, it's been so long
Oh what went wrong? Could it be something I said
Time, make it go faster
Or just rewind to back when I'm wrapped in your arms
Ah ooh...
Dum da de dum....
All afternoon long it's with me the same song
You left a light on inside me my love
I can remember the way that it felt to be
Holding on to you....
I can't forget you when you're gone,
you're like a song that goes around in my head
And how i regret, it's been so long
Oh what went wrong? Could it be something i said
Time, make it go faster
Or just decide to come back to my happy heart
Ah ooh....

It's really in my head.

Abah & A 23 Years Old!

Diary,

Just now after Maghrib prayer, I slept following what my tired eyes wanted. It was 7.40pm and it took until 9pm. I awoke only to find out I had a bad dream.. not to say a nightmare 'cause it wasn't really at night time I slept. Huhu!

The dream began with seeing my dad's car entering house compound which is driven by a girl at the driver seat. I was playing the sand with Pichi (my lil' bro) then. I rushed into the house alarming my mom dad's bringing "Mak Esahhh!", still having time to joke with mom.. My mom simply replied with a smile. (Awww..)

Then, she has come in and dad asked me to shake hands with her and she smiled pretty a lot. Mm well, she's quite pretty & young. I learned after that she's about my age! Oh my. (Puke!) I entered my room with the door opened and somewhere that I could hear their conversation clearly. My room and the living hall is just within earshot so that was quite possible to hear. Heard my mom asking, "When will you both be married?" had successfully forced me to stand and you know, amok was going on~

I was like a monster rushing outside and seeing her victim with murderous feeling! Haha! Screaming a lot, scolding my dad who's quite shocked I ran amok, and scolding the girl who has stopped smiling - had made the calm evening pretty chaotic!

My dad then got mad too, with me had his anger pulled out - scolding me back. I was crying but I didn't care. Then I took a drinking glass on the coffee table and threw it right onto his face but was missed! Ooooh..

OH ok then that's it. I got woken up and realized it was just a bad dream!

After that, with my heavy head - I stood up & went out to find all members of family were in the living hall watching TV. Being a numb and dumb, I sat quietly on the dining table - thinking of the dream I just had. Nida realized I have woken up and teased me like she owns the world.. But, I had no expression, really.

Approaching me, she yelled like bla3 but I didn't give a damn. I pulled her ear near me and I whispered "Nida, I dreamt Abah got married with someone my age!! I'm still shocked!" then Nida was like very naughtily yelled my sentence back to be heard in the living hall. Abah & mama had no expression! HAHAHA! Maybe this is something sensitive na. Pheww~ Butterfly was inside my stomach but I was numb so I just let Nida did that.

What a dream!!

OK Diary, shut down.

Unexpected Music

Diary,
Just thinking... Hmm, most musicians love creating songs in a slow version or in a sad mood or in a gloomy situation..

But, normally, what has come out to be famous is the one with happy, happy tune! That's fresh to listen to. Why?

Listeners want something that isn't melodramatic? Hm!

~_~'

9 Crimes For Nashwa

"Hey Damien, I wonder, this song is really nice! But I don't quite feel right when I listen to it for free. Without paying u anything who had trouble creating one like this!" shouted Nashwa from the hallway of a club one day.

"Oh how did u come across my song?"

"I downloaded it from a web."

Damien looked as though he was thinking of something.

Nashwa quickly stopped him with "OK, u play me a song, state a price - I'll pay whatever price and u gave me your permission to download your other songs for free if I come across any. Deal?"

"No big deal!" with his mouth smiled.

Damien then started to play one called "9 Crimes" for Nashwa.

-Damien Rice-

Football Panda

Good morning Diary.
(Just wondering if I name my future daughter "Diary", wouldn't it sound somewhat good? Hehe!)

Yeah. Barcelona has won! This excites me! Few months back, this football fever has started to grow maniacally in me. Weird though, 'cuz I was not the type who really watching football, before. Especially when going out eating in some places where seasonally there would be football matches and there were these crazy bunch of guys whose butts attached to the chairs of the restaurant - screaming and applauding and freaking out when the ball is getting into the goal. I, who, just wanted to enjoy my meal, too often, would be 'denatured' and this has left me feeling angry. Just like a thunderstorm strikes a tree. (I am that tree, ok?)

Haha!

But, wonderfully! I started to enjoy that triggered feelings by a ball getting into its goal. It was just like striking ten-pins in bowling. The 'yay' feeling. Indescribable. Oo-oops! but, I haven't really mastered the system of a football game. I think I'm interested to give all hands up for Chelsea simply because my siblings were supporting them in many games before, and that I went to see Chelsea fought Malaysia football team for a friendly match before in Shah Alam Stadium and that.. I don't want to argue with them (siblings) if let say I support another team differently from them. And, the one fact that I happen to like this one quite-handsome Chelsea player: Frank Lampard. *smirks*

OK. Football done.

Just this morning, when I wanted to apply the skincare on this face, I just wonder why must I apply this eye refiner around these eyes? It's like the job is never done in refining these panda eyes around. I'm more to my instincts that says this is just some plain lotion, white coloured; that is sold at a price of 12 liters petroleum? Yeah. Don't know what to believe in these cosmetics nowadays unless we're the dermatologist creating it, no?

Anyways, I'll just have to still apply though no result of no panda eyes being painted around. What a waste of money, na! And, panda eyes of mine SUCKS. But panda is cute. Hee, perhaps it's okay having their eyes on mine~ Heee.. =P

OK, done panda.

Now, this post is done.

See you soon, Diary! (a daughter) *smugs*

Homie Video Songs

Miss Diary.

RECENTLY i enjoy a lot watching new people I've found in youtube who play their own instruments (like guitar & piano) and create their own songs! Not just merely plain songs but they're GOOD songs! Ohh just great~

I am not jealous but if only i have a nice voice and nice skills playing guitar better, it'd be so thrilled! But, as I can see, they weren't as thrilled as i felt while recording themselves. Most of them were so relax like they're taking the greatness calmly into themselves!

I am really taken aback especially when I found those singing my favourite songs as good as the original! It will be replaying many times & a hope of getting the audio of the covered songs lingered in mind so I can put it into my iPod. It's somewhat real truth when listening to these 'cuz maybe I'm sick already having listened to many flawless recorded songs specially those being recorded in the studio, with all the right voice, composition and mood. Feels like I cheat my ears listening to something which might be fabricated by computer technologies. Hehe! :p

These are my favourites in youtube;
1. Lenka - Don't Let Me Fall (cover) by DanielaSings
2. Without You (original) by DanielaSings
3. 9 Crimes (cover) by newday38
4. 9 crimes (cover, harmony) by newday38
5. With or Without You (cover, full) by newday38
6. A Waltz for A Night by StormeySkye

Check these out, fellows!

Off for now, Miss. Daa~

Cheesy Wedges at Dawn

Dear Diary...

TONIGHT i went without sleep, again. This time, it's not amnesia. It's just an adjustment of sleep that I'll have it paid a bit later in the evening. Hehe! I don't know but i really LOVE every moment at night time. It serenades my mood, stimulates my brain to hard but calm thinking. It is something i cannot get on day time. (oh well maybe because i'll simply sleep then) haha!

Whatever it is, this is normal having sleepless nights when I was in semester break.

Diary!
Hm. I've split up with the 2nd love. It's haunted and painful. I'm so silly.
Such a fool out of love. Do i still hope something? Ugh, please be firm, self-absorbed fool~ Grr!

Hm. This morning, will be attending the fuckin* speak (dunno what?) for pre-L theoritical for driving license. Cheese! I am soo worn out throughout the night. Sounds like i went partying till 4, huh? Haha~ They just complicated my life, y'know, by inventing something cheesy vivid wedges for nothing! Ugh! Hate it.

Uuuu... speaking about cheesy wedges, remember the one in KFC!! Finger lickin' gooood~ Oh, i am hungry for that!

I love you Diary moooore than any books in life!

Bye. I'm going to KFC to grab one! (Bluff!)

Geography-Love Trick

Hey Diary.

I'm so, so, so sad. Writing this on u with tears running down my cheeks. I screwed up my studies. But, i did well in building my confidence again.. for the afterwards. Suddenly, this came unnoticed.

I remember Lenka's line in her song "Trouble Is A Friend" that goes - trouble he will find u no matter where u go oh oh - well, dear diary... Is really Trouble my friend? Ugh! Shit laa. I'm so sick of this friend then! Go away, i don't fucking need u!

Maybe, love is playing a trick on me, no Diary? It comes and goes as it wishes. Like the cold winter breeze bumps into the hot summer wind, making it a high-pressured spot that probably has high temperature fever there! I remember this as Japan which is situated on the way between the Pacific Ocean and The East China Sea has this occasion going on. Huhu forgot the theory already.. The cold breeze is from the Pacific Ocean and the hot breeze is from the ECS. Making the spot where both meet, a very good place for Spongebob and Patrick and all the fish neighborhood live a good life underwater.. But, Spongebob and them all are not from Japan, aren't they? Ugh no~ ignore it.

What this theory has to relate with love's playing me a trick, huh? Hm.. a contradiction? Lemme be the only who understood this!

P/S: i love Geography so much & i think i should be a geologist!

Heart you Diary!
Bye.

Torn Between Two Loves

Is it possible to live 2 loves at the same time?

Zainab, the eldest daughter of Prophet Muhammad once had a tough choice between honoring her love towards her beloved father and her husband. There was a time when Islam came to Makkah, many relations of families and friends became sour when a line has finally drawn between Muslims and non-Muslims. Zainab was among the first women who embraced Islam but her husband not. Even so, their marriage was still intact. However, at the end, she made her way back to her family in Madinah, reunited and fully practiced Islam. She had to leave her husband as their marriage was terminated according to Islam (where Muslim cannot marry non-Muslim)

Then, war after war, Zaid, a Prophet's companion managed to sabotage trade caravans from Makkah that were traveling past Madinah. All the merchandise and employees were brought to Madinah. One of the employees was Zainab's former husband, who successfully escaped and he later knocked a right door that had him met his former wife, Zainab. In all his despair, he knew he could trust her.

He told her he was worried of the confiscation of the merchandise that he held in trust under barter trades in Syria.The people in Makkah trusted him and he needed to return the merchandise to the purchasers.

When Zainab left for Subuh prayers, she told her father's followers that she gave protection to her former husband. Prophet Mohammad reminded her to receive him with all honour but don't let him come as a husband. After that, all the merchandise were returned to him in hopes he would embrace Islam and he was asked whether he would join Islam and he told them "It were a bad beginning to my Islam, that I should betray my trust."

After returning the goods to Makkah, he came back to Madinah and embraced Islam. His marriage to Zainab was reinstated by Prophet Muhammad with great celebration by the people of Madinah.

That is the story of Zainab.

My story. I'm torn between two loves too. Hm, not between a father and a husband but between a Muslim and a non-Muslim. 1st of all, i really don't expect it would come to me the second love which is so appealing. It wasn't searched by me, it just came like the wind. I don't know how to put this. But, the confusion really annoys and hurts. And this is really a heartache! At one side, i thought of maintaining the day-by-day-faded-away relation with a Muslim. At the other side, the glory of 'like/love/whatever' has consumed me little by little with this non-Muslim.

This is like a crap. But did Dato' Dr. Fadzilah Kamsah's theory about Malay guys being unromantic really true? Likely true, likely bullshit. I don't know. My head is going to explode, but i really hope could see a way out of this disheartening split within myself. Help me, Ya Allah...

I shut down now. Bye diary.

God Initiates The Love

Hi Diary Love..
Absolutely i really think love is acting so simple towards me. Without much hassles, love is really like in the air. Love resembles the oxygen and carbon dioxide i think. I breathe it in and out of my lung and heart and be delivered throughout my body. Not too additionally to say, i'm in love and i'll be in love again and again. As long as i can breathe. Grateful is what i am now.

But, if love is being so simple as the oxygen and carbon dioxide, well then too, it sometimes is mixed with other particles. We are not just breathing the oxygen and carbon dioxide i think. It's impossible that only that's being in and out.

Sigh. This babbling talk is actually taken none of my understanding. Huhu. Love is hard for certain, easy for some, but when it's too easy too, it becomes as hard as rocks. Love rocks? Nay. To me, rock rocks! Heheh. *If u understand what I mean*

But... what is 'love' actually without a starter starts it? I believe, all these feelings of love must have a 'manager' who brings it all out to us. And that's from Him. He's who's The One. By His gigantic love, all these are existed and we get to love and be loved. Without Him, would anything have its meanings at all? Nay. It just doesn't make sense, doesn't it?

He's the reason why we all are here. Although, i myself can't see Him anywhere, but my heart feels His existance very well. This could be as similar as to the existance of the wind. Human can't see it but it can be felt. But, the wind is nothing to be compared with Him, really.

I'm sure anybody would feel how majestic and how big the function of love is to mankind. Wooof! I myself admit it! But it has got something bigger than the love itself. I believe in that.

I'm sorry I can't really come to term of people without any beliefs and faith. It just doesn't make sense. We live on this Earth with a solid basis. No matter whatever your faith is, God is there for all of us. There must be One who made and will make all these started. No matter which is that One u believe in. That's the base. That's it. We've got to hold on to something on the earliest stage, at the end of it and also in between that. I mean, LOVE. It's from Him.

It does not need any physical attach to believe of His existance. We just 'can' feel it. Truly, i started realizing of His existance when I was somewhere at 9-11 years old of age. I attended a religious school back then. And my teacher simply offered to us all, who wanted to take off early from school, had to answer her question quickly by putting our hands up. Her question is, "What are the signs that u believe Allah is existed?" and me - whose intention just wanting to go back early, took out my hand on the air (to be the first one, without a prepared answer) and directly looked out of the window beside me and saw a big tree, a river and some pupils outside. So i went "With the existance of the world with all its features and living things, days and nights, sea's rise and fall, firmament, sky with its clouds and stars, planets other than the Earth and love therefore Allah is existed". My teacher and the others were amazed and I grabbed my already-packed bag and just dissappeared happily.

But really, on the moment I looked out of the window, something has fulfilled myself towards realizing that He's existed. The answer I got was simply from the nature.

And love is definitely from Him who delivers it to all human inconsiderately by any lines of religions, races, cultures at all. Whoever 'Him' that u believe in, love is existed with the existance of God, being delivered through religion/s, reached at us making us civilized throughout anything.

So, what is love without beliefs and faith? I don't get it at all.

Till now Diary.
Allah is The Almighty.